I get the One Step Ahead catalog like zillions of other new parents, and I crack up at the myriad safety gizmos they sell. Inflatable bumpers for the bathtub? Are you serious? Wee tote bags for pacifiers? REALLY?

The funniest thing in there, bar none, is the helmet. It’s either inflatable or made of foam, and you put it on the new crawler who crashes into things. I can’t find a link to it from the OSA website, possibly because even THEY know how stupid it is. Wouldn’t you laugh if a baby came at you all trussed up like the world’s littlest hockey goalie?

However. Now that I have a new crawler, I’m re-thinking my position on the helmet. Jillian has been crawling for about two weeks now and she is pretty good at it. Like her Mama, she tends to have more enthusiasm than skill, and this has translated into more than a few crashes.

Let’s make a list of the things my daughter has crashed into – head-first – this past week:

  • THUNK! The TV stand (sharp corners abound!)
  • THUNK! The brick fireplace (this explains the scrapes on her fingers, since she hits the thing with her head and tries to keep going.
  • THUNK! The treadmill
  • THUNK! The sliding glass door
  • THUNK! The step from the living room to the dining room (you’d think this would work well as a baby-containment device, but the living room is where all the dangerous stuff is)
  • THUNK! The side of her crib (she gets so excited to see me after naptime that she crawls too fast toward the side and… THUNK!)
  • THUNK! Both ottomans
  • THUNK! The side of the couch.
  • THUNK! Last but not least, my leg.
  • I hope all of this head-bashing doesn’t damage her Ivy League prospects.

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