My brown thumb

Yesterday, I had a lovely baby- and husband-free afternoon, so I took that time to re-pot my green peppers and tomatoes. So far, they still appear to be alive, so I’m tentatively considering it a success.

Time will tell, though. I am a notoriously bad gardener, since my “benign neglect” strategy doesn’t work as well on plants as it does on the cat and the kid. I have to actually pay attention to the plants.

On top of my legendary ability to kill plants, I also don’t know much about them. I suppose I could find a website or get a book about container gardening and plants and the best ways to nurture them and keep them alive, but that would be too easy yet also requires work. Maybe my success rate would rise if I did things in the plant’s best interests.

The only thing I have researched is about Japanese beetles. They ATE my ENTIRE red geranium, which was in a basket with a white geranium that they haven’t touched. I got a beautiful rose off of my rose “bush” in front of the house, but now the beetles have found it and are currently eating the other bloom. Yesterday, when I was making a hellacious mess with dirt and stuff, a Japanese beetle flew past me and I whacked it GOOD with my trowel. I picked up the corpse and waved it at the geranium yelling “tell your friends, motherfuckers!”

Clearly, I have issues.

But everything I found on the internet about Japanese battle eradication is disheartening. It says stuff like “go out in the morning when they’re sluggish and pick them off one by one, putting them in a can of soapy water.”

Um.

No.

I considered getting a Japanese Beetle Internment Camp Bag, but I’m pretty sure the homeowner’s association would frown upon that, and I can’t put it anywhere near my own plants because it attracts beetles. I can’t put it AWAY from my plants, either, because then it’s near someone else’s plants and that’s bad, too. I don’t think I’m going to win this particular war unless I get some chemical help, but I haven’t yet found a spray that kills the beetles but also leave the plants alone. Napalm would probably do it, but then I wouldn’t have any plants to look at.