According to the weather report, we are set to get a shitload of snow tonight. I am not thrilled about this for many reasons, the first being that I moved heaven and earth to get a babysitter and now my chance to go out with What’s-His-Name and have a nice dinner without having to manage The Jillian is going to be cut short due to the grossest kind of snow ever.
Hence, my “choose to be happy” philosophy is going to be put to the test. Historically, I do not do well in winter because I am a Delicate Flower who thrives on sunlight, and there’s not much of that around starting about now. I was diagnosed years ago with Seasonal Affective Disorder or whatever it’s called now, but over time I’ve come to recognize the things about this that I can control and have acted accordingly.
I tried a light box but it never seemed to have any affect and of course once I feel like I am required to do something, I instantly don’t want to do it, ever, despite it’s purported benefits to my state of mind. This explains a lot. I’ve tried vitamin D supplements, St. John’s Wort, Big Pharma crazy pills of every description, and I’ve tried simply being unmedicated and crazy. All of these approaches have advantages and disadvantages.
This year, I’m going to try something completely different. I sort of tapped into it around this time last year when I went up to Boston for the James show and came back feeling like I had tapped into a supply of MDMA that was hanging out in my brain. Wouldn’t THAT be nice? Anyway, whatever it was, I tried to ride and extend that manic wave as long as I could. I wasn’t keeping a journal at the time, but I’m sure I could go back through Facebook and get a sense of how well and how long that worked for me.
I’m going to try something similar. I have figured out how to tap into that manic energy and I’ve figured out how to control it (thank goodness), so I’m hoping I will be able to get through the winter without any major issues of my own making. Part of my strategy is to keep working out as much as I can stand it. I sort of fell down on this over the past week but I recognize that and I am going to work hard to make sure that doesn’t happen again. I have the Big Goal in my mind’s eye and it’s still far-off and hazy, but I can see it and I will keep moving toward it.
The other strategy is to write. To channel all the rage and despair my mind likes to create and direct it at characters and outside situations. The more I write, the better I get, and the happier we all are.