OMGWTFBBQATM

So, since my battlefield medicine had exactly zero effect on my ear, I went to the doctor this morning. I have a rant about the rudeness of the ladies working in the doctor’s office, but I’ll save that for another time. Perhaps tomorrow.

Anyway, the ear. IT HURTS. It’s gigantic. And red. And did I mention it’s fucking painful? I’m pretty stoic about a lot of things, but this was worrying me so off I went.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I am some kind of medical marvel. Nearly every time I go to the doctor for some acute issue (spider bites, sinus infection, etc), the doctor goes “…whoa.” And then he or she calls in all of the other doctors to come look at whatever it is that I’m presenting. Today was no exception.

Usually, the doctor looks at whatever I’ve got and explains the various solutions available. This is almost always reassuring and makes me feel like I over-reacted, which is something I WELCOME because I’d rather over-react than UNDER-REACT which is apparently what happened today.

The doctor took one look at my ear and said “Oh my God. I’m putting you on super-strong antibiotics, starting 30 seconds after you can get the prescription filled and if you don’t show any improvement within 48 hours, go to the emergency room and get yourself set up with some IV antibiotics.”

Um, okay then. That’s a new one.

So now I’m worried. I’m glad, ever so glad that I decided to hit up the doctor today and not just let it go (as is my habit), but I’m extremely worried that the abx won’t touch whatever this is and that I will end up in the fucking hospital. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

In calmer news, it’s not that the infection itself is threatening to eat my brain or anything. Dr. M said that it’s because it’s on my ear, and ears aren’t the fleshiest parts of the body. So the infection is likely going to attack the cartilage, and that can be a serious uh-oh-bad. Which we don’t want. It won’t kill me, necessarily (and good thing, because that would be highly inconvenient for me, not to mention a huge bummer), but it could permanently incapacitate my ear. My response? “How would I know?”

I hate my ears. They failed me. And when something or someone fails me, I am not inclined to look kindly upon that entity.

I’ll probably be okay. I’m supposed to take my temperature every four hours and see if I start to run a fever. Fever of 99 or above = emergency room. Nausea or dizziness = emergency room. Shooting pains down my neck = emergency room.

Let’s just say that I am slightly worried and I NEVER worry about anything if I can help it.

The very goodest news is that I am supposed to be in the doctor’s office on Monday ANYWAY to start working on my knee(s). So Dr. M said I should definitely mention it to Dr. SportsMed, so he can give it a quick check and see that I’m progressing. Assuming, of course, that I am not in the hospital on Monday, which I do not have time for.

After we left the doctor, we headed to Wegmans (obviously) to fill the Rx. Because it’s me, and because nothing I am ever involved in is EVER straightforward (unless it’s to my detriment, in which case the universe is highly organized and efficient), Wegmans could only PARTIALLY fill my Rx. I mean, MY GOD. What the fuck is happening? At least they DID fill it, and I was able to choke down my first horse pill of the 10-day abx rodeo.

I do not like antibiotics. I do NOT. I never have a good time with them. Sure, they usually do what they’re supposed to, but one time my FORMER dermatologist prescribed an antibiotic to deal with my grody cystic acne and I thought she was trying to kill me. Normally, I’d go into detail and tell you what happened there, but it was SO GROSS, I’d rather not. I just don’t need people looking at me and going “ewww, THAT HAPPENED?”

The last time I was supposed to do a course of antibiotics, it was right before we left for Scotland and the pharmacist was all “no alcohol while you’re taking these” and I was all “oh, ha ha. Like I’m going to go to where whisky was fucking invented and not have any.” And I survived. But this is sort of serious so I will be good and do exactly what I’m told, even if that involves going to the emergency room if this thing doesn’t improve by Saturday morning.

I AM SO ANNOYED.