I understand nothing

Okay, so. Yeah, we had a little hurricane and a small snowstorm (only not really because that was some weak-ass snow to a girl who grew up in Ohio). More on that later.

Anyway, last year around this time I had a small freakout about the mortgage (and by “small,” I mean to say that I yelled a lot, used every curse word I knew, made some up, and didn’t sleep for about a month). After we did our renovation in 2010, it took them a year to reassess our taxes and tell us what the new number would be. And it was twice as bad as my worst-case scenario, which threw me for a loop and did bad things to my psyche.

Mostly because we pay into an escrow account each month and then our insurance is paid yearly and the taxes are paid quarterly from that account. Okay, fine. That’s all just wonderful. I get that. So, since the taxes were raised, that created a shortage in our “required reserve balance” which had to be made up. This caused the mortgage payment to jump by almost $1000, which caused me to have a mild rage-stroke, from which I have not yet fully recovered.

BECAUSE, and this is just GREAT, I got the annual escrow disclosure statement today and it is telling me that I have AN ESCROW SURPLUS of NEARLY FIVE THOUSAND GODDAMNED DOLLARS.


Esssscuze me mush, I am confuse.

Believe me, when this first came to my attention (after I’d recovered power of speech from my FLAMING RAGE-STROKE), I was on the phone with the mortgage company and those of you who know me well know that I never, ever talk on the phone with anyone if I can help it. The Deafness, you see. So for me to dial a phone number and talk to a person with my mouth, that’s a big deal. And I asked all the questions, starting with “what the fuck” and ending with “are you SURE this amount is REQUIRED?” And the answers were all “yes, you absolutely MUST pay this amount, we can’t do anything about that, the federales require it, blahbleeblingdeeblah.”

Maybe, just maybe, they were sitting on a VERY NICE PRESENT for me. For a year.


Soooooooo, I am given to understand that my mortgage company, who ASSURED ME that “yes, that amount is necessary to cover the escrow shortage” is going to cut my fine ass a check for 5 large? AND my total payment is going down by $600 each month?


Everything’s coming up Milhouse!

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