Marriage Scene: Medical Edition

Him: I don’t feel great. [cough, snot, cough, sneeze]
Me: Well, you probably have that cold that everyone’s getting right now. Drink some water.
Him: I drank a lot of water today.
Me: Drink some more.
Him: Leave me alone.

[next day]

Me: Hey, it’s 7 o’clock, get up.
Him: I’m staying home from work today.
[Rachel flies out of bed like she's been set on fire. She dresses in record time and nearly trips over the dogs in her haste to get out of the bedroom and down the stairs.]

[later that same day]

Him: I should go to the doctor.
Me: It’s just a virus. They’ll either give you antibiotics you don’t need to shut you up or tell you to drink more water and rest.
Him: But I feel really yucky. Antibiotics will help!
Me: No, they won’t. It’s a virus. Drink more water.

[he goes to the doctor]

Him: SEE?? I have the flu. I told you.
Me: WHICH IS A VIRUS. PWNED.
Him: They gave me antibiotics! Boo-yah!
Me: WHICH YOU DON’T NEED, BECAUSE VIRUS.
Him: I’m taking them anyway.
Me: I hope you get a yeast infection.

[next day]

Him: I feel worse.
Me: Drink more water. Here, let me take your temperature.
Him: I’m fine.
Me: Do you need some water?
Him: No.
Me: [nodding] Do you need some water?
Him: Leave me alone.
Me: Who’s the doctor in this house? Oh, right. ME. Drink some water. Also, here’s some cough medicine. Take this.
Him: It’s blue.
Me: Drink it, or I will find a way to make you. You’re as weak as a kitten, I can overpower you easily.
Him: You’re a mean doctor.
Me: Drink more water.

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