Category Archives: Me Me Me


If you want to call it that, I have achieved success in updating the look of thishere blog thing.  I suppose this would be easier if I were to learn how to do it in a linear fashion, but that takes more time and effort than I am willing to put in. A couple of reference books and some judicious googling and I'm good to go, for now.

So, now that I'm less mad about the blog, I will be able to finally sit down and write about my Adventures in England! Yaaay! 

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Strange Things Are Afoot…

Here I am, shouting into the vast void that is the internet. I have, after nearly 20 years of using the web, decided to learn HTML and CSS and some other combinations of letters in order to be a smarter moron. I'd like to be able to tinker with my site and build one from scratch and all that jazz, and in order to do that, I need to know things. So, dear readers, stay tuned. There are going to be some strange things happening, but I think it will be good for all of us.

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Yeah, okay, so.

I never intended for this blog to turn into a catalog of my physical woes, but here we are. Today I am going to whine about my feet.

Right foot, known as “Brokey” is feeling surprisingly good. I can sometimes still feel twinges of pain at the break site but whatever. As long as everything stays stuck together I’m all right over there. The shape of my foot changed, which is hella irritating, but short of breaking it again, I have to learn to live with that.

Left foot, known as “Asshole Jackass Foot” managed to get plantar fasciitis. Which… yay? No. It sucks. I think it’s my own fault, actually, which makes it doubly annoying (but bonus points for being the only thing that IS my own fault). Rest, Ice, Massage. Seems to be working well.

Still haven’t been out for a run. It’s going to be 80 degrees today so I really really have no excuse. I’m afraid, still. I do okay walking, even long distances, but I haven’t really RUN anywhere. Ugh.

But! I will have to get over it at some point, because New Jersey finally has a Color Run, which is only 5K and I really want to do it. It’s at the end of August, which gives me a good 18 weeks (actually 20, but vacation and recovery from same will take some time). I can run a 5K in 18 weeks, damn. And I mean RUN.

Oh, look. I have a goal.

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Okay, so!

Building momentum is really really REALLY hard. Especially if you’re me, and your default setting is “on the sofa, with a book.” Thank Elvis for the Kindle, seriously. If I didn’t have that thing, I’d never make it through the elliptical workouts, y’all. I like to get all jacked up with my technology, all Harrison Bergeron style: Kindle and iPod, and sometimes I’ll even put the TV on AND there are TVs on the wall above the cardio machines! So much distraction, I almost forget that I am working out. Good stuff.

Today, however, I will likely be working out at home since I have not one, but two group chats scheduled for my various writing projects. So, I probably COULD go to the gym after that, but I don’t know if the motivation will extend that far and I will have to do something else.

I would go for a slog outside, but it is COLD, friends. I’m glad I put on the thick workout pants today because they kept me toasty (except for the 3 inches of leg between where the pants end and the socks start. That was chilly) on the short walk to take The Jillian to school. I really should map that because I wonder just how far that is. Maybe an eighth of a mile?

Anyway, today might be a good day for core work. I should go peruse the bargain DVD bins at Best Buy or Walmart and see if there are any Pilates DVDs in there. I could take a class, but after a good 15 years of trying to feel comfortable with group fitness classes, I have accepted that those are Not For Me. I hate the classes. I prefer to look ridiculous on my own, thanks.

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The rundown!

Thishere blog has more or less turned into a litany of my physical woes, but that’s okay. There’s plenty of that, and it’s not like I’m doing much else of interest to the general public at the moment.

OR AM I? You’ll never know.

Anyway, been trying VERY hard to do this 100 Days thing. So far, so good, even though I skipped yesterday due to a thing we had to go to. It’s fine, because I did a whole hour today and I’m feeling quite pleased, overall.

On the elliptical, I tend to get this numb toes thing happening, but by rearranging my shoelaces, that can be fixed more or less. There’s not much I can do about my right leg and the nerve damage over there, but as long as I’m paying attention I don’t think I will cut off the circulation completely. The left foot is pissing me off a bit, though. I think it’s because I had to favor the right one for so long, it has thrown that whole leg off balance. It’s shorter than my right leg ANYWAY, so things are very strange on that side. I’ll make some adjustments and see if I can’t improve that some.

After the elliptical, I hopped on the treadmill. I am not a huge fan of the treadmill, since it exacerbates my tendency to develop shinsplints, but after talking with my physical therapist, he suggested I jack up the incline to at least 4.0 and GO SLOW. I don’t know how much slower I can go, but 3.2MPH is my limit for the time being. Outside, I can’t really judge my pace as well but that matters less because the mechanics are different and less taxing on my poor legs.

So the point of being on the treadmill was to see if my right foot is going to ever cooperate with the rest of the body. It will, eventually, but I think I am going to need some kind of orthotics or inserts or some shit in that shoe because MY FOOT IS CROOKED NOW. The shape of my foot causes my heel to point inward, giving me the illusion of being duck-footed on one side. IT’S LOVELY. And if I don’t get THAT corrected, it’s going to ruin my super-awesome new shoes, which I love.

All things considered, I feel pretty good about it all. I spent most of 2012 being frustrated that my body was resisting my every effort, but now I have managed to get over that and have decided to be more patient with myself. AND AND AND AND!! I am going to start swimming again. I am going to be working with a coach, even. I mean, I can swim and all that jazz, but I am hella inefficient in the water so I am going to be working with a coach who will help me refine my stroke and help me with my breathing (water in my sinuses, no matter WHAT I do) and get me faster and stronger.

Ooh, then I’m gonna get a bike. Maybe not right away, though. Any cash money that I’d be spending on a bike this year is taking my fat ass to ENGLAND, where I will eat my body weight in Proper Bacon and drink my fool head off. I am taking my running shoes, however. I’d love to run along the Thames and end it in a pub. I’m sure there are drinking clubs with a running problem that wouldn’t mind a couple of chubby Americans along for an afternoon. Must look into that.

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Well, okay then

This is the third time I have attempted a blog post so far this year. One was a whine, the other was a rant, and the third one was just a blank page that stared at me for a solid hour before I decided “eh, fuck it” and closed it down.

Anyway, I am attempting to do the 100 Days Challenge. 30 minutes of activity, every single goddamned day, for 100 days. I can totally pull that off, right? RIGHT!

Except I fell at the first fence. Nobody can be expected to jump into anything except Comfy Pants on January 1st. I managed to walk the dogs once that day so that counted as a good 15 minutes. I made up for it yesterday with 45 minutes of walking up and down my stairs (hey, it’s cold out there and the gym is likely crowded with people full of good intentions). Today I went to work and spent two hours lifting and bending and whatnot, and that totally counts because I will be feeling it tomorrow. I’m doing all right, I suppose. Need to do more, of course.

The fitness goal for this year is to finish a 10K without walking. I’d like to do it pain-free as well, but we can’t be expecting miracles. I will likely do a couple of 5Ks and other distances too, but they will all involve a significant amount of walking, at least in the first few months of this year as I START FROM SCRATCH AGAIN GOD DAMMIT and rehab this foot of mine.

Which is exacerbated by the cold. That sucks my balls so completely, I cannot even begin to tell you. But when it’s cold, the break site is all “HELLO!” And the exact same area on my left foot occasionally twinges as well, just for shits and giggles.

So there’s that. Plus the knees and the occasional shinsplints. OH! And now my left hip decided it wants to occasionally be painfulicious. Fucking hell, man. Stupid body. It’s like a carnival of discomfort up in here. The best I can do is GO SLOW (no problem there), ice and heat and ice and heat and Ibuprofen, and keep doing my physical therapy moves and core work. And, I somehow have to be okay with improving in the tiniest increments imaginable. Fuck.

But this is my reality now, so I don’t have much choice, do I?

Could be worse!

The other goals are a little more esoteric. I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of disappearing in plain sight, which is making life pretty interesting.

I plan to round out the year with more knitting, more designing, and more overall creativity. We’ll see what happens.

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Happy Holidays, bitches

The other day, I was waiting in the school lobby to pick up the Exploding Germ Factory known as my child. If the kid isn’t going on a bus, a parent or someone has to sign them out to walk home. It’s a pain in my ass to have to do this but rules are rules! (Insert obligatory “in my day…” rant. Also, get off my lawn).

And that’s fine – over the past couple of years I’ve been doing this, I have made friends and acquaintances so there are always people to chat with. It’s nice and it makes me even more glad we moved to a cute little town like this instead of a sprawling suburb.

So I’m waiting around, chatting with the other parents, and out of the corner of my eye, I spot a lady I don’t think I’ve seen before. At least, she wasn’t a regular, because I didn’t recognize her. She looked like a perfectly nice lady except for one thing.

Pinned to the front of her overcoat was a button that said “Yes! You may wish me a Merry Christmas!”

My first reaction? “oh, FUCK YOU, lady. Seriously.”

(but only in my head, because I’m not a semi-professional jackass in real life. Only on the internet)

It pains me, physically, to think that someone SPENT MONEY on such a thing and feels a need to wear it around in public and not treat it as the absolute fucking joke that it is. A person who would purchase and wear such a button is probably the type of person who thinks letting The Gays get married is a threat to the American Family. I. ROLL. MY. EYES.

COME ON, people. THERE IS NO WAR ON CHRISTMAS. Ask any Jewish person you know if there is any danger of Christmas going away and they will tell you. If someone wants to wish me a Merry Christmas, I will smile and say it back to them even though I don’t celebrate Christmas anymore (but boy do I want to put up a tree. Ask me about it sometime). If someone wishes me a “Happy Holidays” I will smile and say it back to them and then I will think extra happy thoughts about that person for wanting to include EVERYONE IN THE WORLD instead of just the people who believe in one particular mythology.

There are lots of religions out there and lots of mythologies who are having festive times this month, why not include them all?

But that button just rubs me the wrong goddamned way, and if I happen to run into this lady or anyone else sporting a similar button, I am going to GO OUT OF MY WAY to wish them “Happy Holidays.”


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Because we don’t celebrate Xmas, there isn’t a huge amount of pressure on us to buy a bunch of gifts for people. We get a few things for our nearest and dearest, but aside from that, you people are on your own.

Instead, we take advantage of ridiculous sales. For myself, with my rock & roll ninja lifestyle, I don’t require much in the way of wardrobe. I have a few bits and pieces that I spent a lot of money on and the rest of it is from Old Navy. Cute enough stuff at the right price! It’s mostly worth it.

I say “mostly” because, as with any mass-produced clothing, the sizing is bizarre at times and not consistent between styles or even within the same style. I’m willing to put up with that for $15 jeans, but sometimes it’s ridiculous.

My arms are too long for my body. It’s just the way I’m made, but there are very few long-sleeved tops that cover my arms all the way AND fit me everywhere else, too. I buy a lot of things in L or XL because of this. It’s annoying, friends! I just bought a new hoodie sweatshirt from Old Navy because my old one is literally disintegrating. I tried on some of the women’s styles, but I hate hate hate “fitted” things because they never fit me correctly. Long arms, long torso, you see.

So I tried on the size L in the men’s section and it fit comfortably across my shoulders but the arms were too damn short. WTF? Annnnnnoying. I bought the XL instead, and the arms are plenty long but there is a lot going on in the rest of it. It’s a fair enough trade.

Jeans, then. I have issues with my jeans shrinking. I suppose I could line-dry them and solve that problem, but that involves line-drying and other things I don’t have any interest in doing. I can’t even be bothered to separate my colors from my whites, how on earth can I be expected to hang shit up? Thus, the jeans, they shrink.

And not in the waist/hip area, which you’d expect. Oh, no. They shrink in the legs. So, my jeans fit beautifully for a little while, then much later, seemingly overnight, they lose about three inches in the legs. That is so weird.

This time, I bought boot-cut and they fit fantastically except the legs of them are about 5 inches TOO LONG. I have no idea what’s happening with that, but I’m sure that by the time spring rolls around, they’ll be floods.

I know this is a combination of me being weirdly-shaped (it’s true) and me buying cheap-ass Old Navy clothes. However, between the kid, the dogs, cleaning the house, and doing beer stuff at the beer store, my clothes basically have to be disposable. Paying $15 for jeans that I don’t care about destroying seems like a reasonable amount to pay, even if they are too long in the legs.

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I just looked back through my archives to see if I’d made any New Year’s Resolutions for 2012. Apparently, I had planned to write on thishere blog every single day (hahahahahaha) and to “stop wasting my time.”

I think it’s safe to say that I failed in the most epic way possible on both of those points.

I’m okay with that. I know I have a strange combination of sloth and ambition, and the sloth almost ALWAYS wins.

2012 was, in a word, frustrating. We started the year with property tax issues and between that and my various physical ailments, I didn’t feel like I had much control over anything. Those two things are more or less resolved (one satisfactorily, one not), so 2013 should be better in those regards.

2012 was not my best year. It’s nearly over and I’m glad of it. Here’s hoping 2013 is better.

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Delayed reaction

I was working on Friday when I found out. I was scrolling through my Facebook feed on my phone and started to see posts saying things like “Oh my God.” and “praying for Connecticut.” Then I saw a link and clicked on it. “Gunman at Elementary School in CT, at least 18 dead.”

“Elementary School.”

I got about halfway through the article and then stopped. I didn’t need to see any more. Luckily for me, I only had 20 minutes left before I could leave and go pick The Jillian up from school, so I did my very best to keep my shit together despite feeling a slight panic attack coming on.

FUN! It’s a good thing I’ve been mentally unstable all these years because I am very good at hiding it when I need to.

As the day progressed and details of what happened in Newtown started to pour in, my reaction was horror. Just… horror. Because if something like that can happen there, it can happen anywhere. Maybe even here.

At school pickup, all the parents looked at each other with scared eyes and asked “have you heard? So awful” in hushed tones. The teacher Jillian had for kindergarten last year brought her wee ones out to the lobby to be picked up and a couple of the moms rushed to give her a hug. She was confused because she hadn’t heard. “Just… turn on the news when you can,” we said.

Once home, I had to think a little bit about what to tell Jillian. In the end, I simply put on the news to see if she would even notice. If she did, then we’d talk about it and I would answer any questions she had. She didn’t notice, and after about an hour of the news, I switched it off. The only thing I did make sure to do was to ask her about lockdown drills and if she knew what to do. I did my best to ask in a way that was just looking for information, and I think I did a good enough job.

And then I told her what Mr. Rogers said: “Look for the helpers. There will always be people who are helping.”

She is six years old. She is in first grade. I firmly believe that she does NOT need to know what happened in Connecticut, to kids her age, in her same grade. She doesn’t need to know. I’m glad it didn’t really ping her radar, even when we had the news on. A six-year-old SHOULD be oblivious, and I’m going to let her continue on this way as long as I can. If she finds out and asks questions, then I will deal with it but I am not going to volunteer any information to her because who does that serve? No one.

However, that meant that we needed to keep the TV pointed away from most major networks and news sources for the weekend. I think that was helpful for all of us, but it meant a couple extra days of keeping our shit together for Jillian’s benefit. For me, that manifests as bad dreams and wakefulness and I know the only way out of that, for me, is to watch the news and see what happened. Then I’ll be able to deal with it. Maybe.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to put the news on.

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