Category Archives: Triathlon

The weather is insanely good today. So, rather than coop myself up at the gym OR go to the doctor, I decided to go to the park instead. I walked from my front door to the end of the Duke Island Park path and back again in about 1:30. Since I do not have a good pedometer, I’m not sure how far that is, but it’s at LEAST five full miles, maybe closer to seven or even eight because I was hauling ass pretty much the whole time.

Wow, do I hurt. I did it to take inventory of the body, mostly, and the feet are sad, the left knee is fucked, my left hip is going OW FUCK WHY DID YOU DO THAT (probably due to overcompensating for the knee thing) and my left arm (shut up, left side of my body) is all chafed from the armpit seam of my shirt. The upside is that I can walk on the knee just fine (hills might be slightly problematic, but more testing will be needed on that), and if I can keep up a 4.0 walking pace that’s less than 7 hours for the marathon. Of course, that means I am going to have to swim and bike REALLY fast, but I’m hopeful that I can get the knee issues sorted and get back to running properly.

Poor left side. Everything is angry over there. Right side of the body is feeling just fine except for a giant blister on the ball of that foot. That made itself known around the very last mile and I can almost hear it growing as I write this. I think that’s the socks, actually. Instead of my cheap-ass shitty Hanes cotton socks, I put on my fancy Asics tech-fabric socks and FUCK THAT. Cotton socks just work better for me, despite all the research and field-testing that says “no, they always cause blisters.” No, they don’t always. I love you, cotton socks!

Speaking of things I love, let me talk right now about my underwear. I know some people get all precious about their underpants and get all “oh, I would never wear the boring cotton underwear you buy in a 6-pack at Target” and to those people I say “FUCK YOU AND YOUR FANCY UNDERPANTS” because I am wearing the Hanes Her Way [barf] no-ride-up cotton boyshorts and HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS, when they say “no wedgie guarantee” THEY MEAN IT. Those bitches STAYED PUT. Historically, I have had problems with my underpants constantly trying to crawl up my junk and so when I saw something that said “no wedgies” well, DUH. So, hooray boring cotton underpants!

Other than the knee thing, I am feeling pretty good overall. Can’t complain about having a sunburned nose in NOVEMBER.

It appears that my knee issue is one of stability, which was my thought all along. I’m a medical marvel, I am. So I went to the local sporting-goods store to get myself a knee stabilizer (fancy term for a spendy knee brace) upon the recommendation of Dr. SportsMed and as it turns out, even the size XL is too damn small for my legs.

What the fuck? Don’t gigantic football-playing dudes with legs like redwoods need knee braces? I rock the thick legs, that’s true, but if a size XL isn’t going to fit, that’s fucking disheartening and a whole bunch of bullshit. This causes me to swear even more than I normally do, dammit.

So I either need to keep looking for bigger sizes like XXL, which fuck you, or go back to the tried and tested Ace bandage wrap situation. That’s not ideal, but for fuck’s sake, it works well enough.

Dammit.

Anyway.

I am thinking that it’s a hormonal/lady-cycle issue as well, since PMS week makes everything go wonky. I feel fine three weeks out of the month, but that fourth one, damn. The knees and ankles get all pissed off for some reason. I will have to do some research and run my theory past Dr. SportsMed who is often amused by me until he goes “hm, you might be right.” My thinking is that it’s a water-retention issue, which causes bloating EVERYGODDAMNWHERE. Which, fuck you. Gah.

The best workout solution to this problem is to get in the pool, but… but… but… DON’T WANNA. I will start up with that when the new class session begins because I am not seeing any point to getting in the pool if I’m not going to be able to work out efficiently. Despite my seemingly near-constant online presence, my free time is actually quite limited at the moment, so I have to get the most from my gym time.

I wouldn’t be able to go today anyway, since my cleaning ladies are coming and I will have to be here for that. Oh well – once they leave, maybe The Jillian and I will do a couple of songs from the new Just Dance that we got for the Wii. Not quite sure if that’s advisable for the knee, but I can modify things if I need to.

I am just SO GODDAMN FRUSTRATED.

After a week of my left knee feeling “not right” I finally decided to wrap it and see what happens. I really ought to go to the doctor and have it looked at, but I’ve done it twice before and every time, the recommend x-rays, which I go do, and then the x-rays come back all normal and shit.

My one sports doctor guy (who fixed my shinsplints) says that an MRI would really get a good look at what’s going on there with the knee but the insurance is all “hahaha, no we’re not covering that.” So the only thing I can really do is be nice to it, wrap it when necessary, ice it pretty much constantly, throw some Ben-Gay up on there and take Aleve. It’s not ideal, but there we are.

Aside from the first-aid sorts of things, I am doing what I can to strengthen the muscles in my legs. Hilariously, this contributes to the problem somewhat, according to Dr. SportsMedicine. He says it will equalize at some point but that I should be careful in the meantime.

All of this makes me grumpy. I’m grumpy that running – something that used to be so easy and effortless – is now so incredibly fucking hard. I can’t believe my body changed THAT much in 20 years. I mean, aside from the weight issue, I can’t imagine that my biomechanics are all that different. But maybe they are. I know carrying that giant baby had an effect, and who knows what kind of effect a c-section had on my core stability? Eh, I’m just guessing but I’d be surprised if I were really far off-base with that.

So, until such a time when I get my fairy godmother or three wishes or a lottery win or some shit, I will continue to do what I’ve been doing. 1 minute running followed by 4 minutes walking, increasing incredibly slowly until I can run for a good long while without things falling off of me. That’s how I used to run those barrels, and I used to do that ALL DAY EVERY DAY ALL SUMMER. Maybe I should write a book about it.

Given my history as a Professional Clumsy Person, it stands to reason that I have a vast array of Ace bandages, wrist braces, and ankle wraps. Surprisingly enough, I do not have anything at all for my knees. Sure, the bandage collection is called into service when ice is needed, but as far as having some kind of knee brace for running or working out goes… nope.

This is amazing to me, because I have had trouble with my knees FOREVER. I am a little concerned about the left knee after last week’s test run. It’s been sensitive since then and I know I’ve been babying it on stairs and stuff. I guess I’ll run again on Friday and see how it feels.

I suppose I could make Fridays “run days” until the beginning of the year when I start in earnest. I’m sure normal people would cross-train in the winter and start a running program in the spring when the weather is better but I am not normal people. I refuse to let the weather be an excuse!

So, on top of having to go look for some kind of knee bracing apparatus, I will probably have to re-think my cold weather gear and figure that out as well. I’m mostly concerned about my fingers and toes, because of my history of frostbite (thanks, marching band!), but with the right socks and gloves I should be all right there.

Right now, we hit the elliptical and weights. Soon, we swim. Then, we run. Then we start biking. Scary.

Update!

So I went to the gym and got on the elliptical and my knee feels weird. Not hurty, but loose, I guess. It feels like things are moving around in there that shouldn’t be, but I don’t have any pain or anything. I am going to attempt squats (sexy word, that) to see if putting a whole bunch of weight on it is a problem, and then I guess I’ll just wrap it up for a bit and ice it later.

I reserve the right to be as boring as I please.

I’ve got a cold, it seems. For the first time in probably a hundred years, it’s a chest cold and doesn’t have any of the sinus issues that I normally have. I am so very thankful for this, I can barely express it. I have suffered from sinus issues and whatnot MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE so to actually be sick and not have it involve buying stock in Kleenex is a huge blessing and even though I’m sick of coughing, I will take this any day.

The problem I’m having (aside from the coughing) is that if I take any kind of cough medicine, it makes my brain shut down. I don’t fall asleep, but I might as well because I can’t think or function at all. Everything is just blank and fuzzy and weird. This is a problem when I’m trying to write because writing is hard enough, dammit! Trying to wrestle my thoughts and ideas into coherence is a full-time job on a normal day!

The other problem is that it is putting a cramp in my workouts. I don’t know if I’ve been abducted by aliens and replaced with a healthier version of myself, but I am at the point now where I NEED to work out. NEED. If I don’t, BAD THINGS HAPPEN starting with “oh, a box of Ho-Ho’s makes a great mid-afternoon snack” and ending with “I WILL KILL YOU.”

So, the endorphins need to be released. I do have options – I could go to the gym as I normally would and do what I would normally do on a Tuesday (lifting) and just deal. I could go to the gym and swim, but I think Creepy Staring Lifeguard is still working the day shift and I’d rather not have him stare at me. I think I might just stay here and do some lifting and yoga things. I have a lot of core work to do, so perhaps I can focus on that? I don’t know. I can’t make up my mind because I CANNOT THINK CLEARLY. I’m definitely not going to go for a run because I don’t want to kill my knee, which is improving slowly. Rest and ice! WOOOOOO!

In other news, I got a look at myself in the mirror this morning (not something I generally do), and I HAVE CHEEKBONES. Who knew? More proof that I am making progress, even if the scale isn’t reflecting that.

I hate the scale, I do. I don’t get on the scale very often, which is good. I finally talked myself out of needing that number as a guide but it would be NICE to be able to get on the scale and be pleasantly surprised once in awhile instead of shocked and horrified that I have been working out like a madwoman for almost a year and have lost EXACTLY ZERO POUNDS. It’s frustrating, and there doesn’t seem to be a medical reason for it. I’m doing fine with food, portion control and balance and cha cha cha. I’ve cut down on the boozing quite a bit, which should make a difference, too. Bleh. Time and work will fix this, I know.

Oh, ow. The left knee feels like shit. This is not good.

I’ve always had trouble with my left knee. It used to slide out of joint because the bones were growing faster than the muscles or vice versa. I don’t remember exactly. But the left knee has never been good.

You see, I was a gigantic baby. My poor mother, who is nearly 6 feet tall, weighed all of 120 when she got pregnant with me. She gained something like 80 pounds and thus gave birth to a 9 pound, 6 ounce MONSTER CHILD who actually broke her skinny ass upon arrival.

OH HI. That was me.

I was a gigantic kid. And I was tangled up in the womb but GOOD, with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck a few times and my left leg all folded up THE WRONG WAY. It’s only as I’ve gotten older (and more athletic) that this has been an issue. I’m sure the umbilical cord issue stopped my brain from getting oxygen and that’s why I’m more or less mentally unbalanced, but the leg thing is fucking my life up more than anything else.

My left leg shoots out from the knee at a 15-20 degree angle. That’s my estimate since I don’t own a protractor or I would get seriously nerdy on your ass and tell you the exact angle. At any rate, It’s not a straight line from hip to ankle on that side and it causes me to have ISSUES there, particularly with my knee.

Shut up, left knee.

The other day, when I was doing a test run and feeling extra good about life, the universe, and everything, the left knee went “pop” which was not a happy thing.

Apparently this week will be spent figuring out just what the fuck is going on here.

Today was a bust. I had big plans to either go to the gym or go for a run or something but I seem to have developed a bit of a cough (plus the knee thing from yesterday) so I didn’t do anything. A little yardwork, then we went on a Tweed Adventure to get Freddie’s jacket made. After that, lunch and then I started coughing. Why this happens in the afternoon, I do not know, but it’s annoying as fuck and I want it to stop. I have some high-powered cough syrup, which I plan to do shots of, and then we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

Upside? Coughing = ab workout. WINNING.