I Miss Wegmans

If you have never had a Wegmans in your life, you are going to think this post is a bit melodramatic but I’m here to tell you that YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW, OKAY?

I looooooooove Wegmans. I was blessed to live 2.3 miles away from one for 15-ish years and even when they rearranged the store without my permission, that place always lived up to the hype. They should have hired me as some kind of evangelist/ambassador because I have almost nothing bad to say about that place.

But then we moved! We moved… AWAY FROM THE WEGMANS. The closest one to my new house is in Erie, PA. It’s 90 minutes each way and there are times when I have seriously considered making the drive because the grocery store options available to me here in the CLE are – not to put too fine a point on it – UTTER SHITE.

“Oh, you love Wegmans? Try Heinen’s!” I have. IT SUCKS. Their produce section is a tiny corner of the store with little selection. Quality is… OKAY, but not great. The rest of the store is meh, and overall, it’s expensive as hell.

“What about that local place that seems fancy?” Oh Zagara’s? It was unobjectionable, but didn’t impress me. I probably won’t shop there regularly.

“Giant Eagle is fine!” Oh, is it? I grew up with Giant Eagle and I don’t remember it being particularly good or bad, but I wasn’t in charge of feeding people back then so my eye for quality/cost wasn’t yet developed. But Giant Eagle SUUUUUUUUCKS out loud. It’s bigger than Heinen’s, but that’s about all it has going for it. The quality of the fruits and vegetables I’ve gotten there has been utterly disgusting. The layout of the store makes NO GODDAMN SENSE. Shit’s expensive. I hate it.

“Have you tried Fresh Thyme?” Yes. It’s… fine. For a place that is trying to be more like a farmers’ market, they didn’t have much in the way of things you might get from a farm. But their “natural health and beauty” section is fucking ENORMOUS. Yay?

“How about Marc’s?” Yeah, how ABOUT Marc’s? I went in there just to see and I think I left with lice. Ewww gross, no thank you.

“Ummmm… Aldi?” See above.

“Okay fine, we do have Whole Foods.” Ever since Whole Foods was purchased by Amazon, I have been giving them MASSIVE SIDE-EYE but I broke down the other day and did the weekly grocery shopping there. It was the best of the options presented to me, believe it or not. Produce section is large and the quality is decent, meat counter was very nice, and I was able to find the other things I needed and didn’t spend a Whole Paycheck (which isn’t really all that difficult if you know how to shop and you’re not a fucking moron).

So now I’m a step further on the Suburban Cliché path. I live in the suburbs. I drive an SUV. I go to yoga. I shop at Whole Foods. Whatever, it’s FINE.

I miss Wegmans, though. I’ll probably never get over it.