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Homer Improvements

This has been a busy week for our little family of three. EVERYONE has appointments this week for doctors and therapists and allergy shots and tutoring and and and and AND!! Lots and lots of things on the calendar this week.

And the mostest funnest part of it is: I get to drive everyone everywhere every day. Because I’m the only one who can. Driving Mr Daisy has suggested that he be given the opportunity to take some of these errands off my hands, but I am not at all confident in his ability to see well enough to drive himself around, much less letting Raritan’s Answer to Homer Simpson drive the car with MY PRECIOUS BABY in it. So the answer to that, so far, is “hahaha you’re hilarious.”

I mean, he’s only had this eyeglasses fix for a week – he’s still getting used to it. I maaaaaaay let him drive around the block a la Rain Man and we’ll see how that goes, but I’m not letting his crazy ass get on a highway anytime soon.

And I just watched him empty the dishwasher (it’s part of his recovery!) and there were a couple of times where I could see him stop and think for a minute about where to put something away. Most of his recall is pretty good, but there are some little things he does that make me do the confused dog head-tilt, all “barrrooooo?” Luckily, we all have a sense of humor about it. Well, I do, anyway. He’s getting there.

He had a root canal on Tuesday to prepare for getting a crown on the broken tooth. That was SUCH a minor part of the accident, that it’s kind of annoying that it’s probably the biggest hassle to fix. He broke that tooth when he was a little kid and has had a partial cap on it for decades. It got knocked loose in the crash and the surgeon just took it out altogether. It’s for the best but HE LOOKS CRAZY and I’m starting to GET USED TO IT which is NOT A GOOD THING!!!

Speaking of crazy, that’s another thing that WE ALL have been dealing with. He’s been coming to terms with the accident and the consequences thereof and that has been, understandably, crazy-making. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past week telling him that all these feelings are more or less normal aside from everything being SIZE EXTRA LARGE as a result of TBI. Feeling all your feelings in CAPITAL LETTERS is a well-documented side effect of brain injury, and knowing that has helped me stay patient and cheerful (I KNOW, RIGHT?) while he navigates these crazy waters. Meanwhile, I’m trying to keep The Teenager afloat as she figures out high school in this Brave New World and the amount of demented cheerleading I have to do on a daily basis is WEARING ON ME.

I’m so lucky that I have a massive support system looking after me and making sure I don’t murder anyone. It’s working… SO FAR. But yeah, it’s hard. We had a nice conversation the other day about the emotional load I’m carrying and how if I get to the point where I’m asking for help, that’s kind of a big deal. It’s a continuation of a theme I’ve been yelling about since The Teenager was a baby – this house is my workspace and as such, it should be respected, at least a little. And right now, EVERYONE IS HERE ALL THE TIME so now it’s EVERYONE’S workspace and we all need to work TOGETHER a little harder to keep the place running. I’ve never been willing to do it all and I’m even less willing now. It was a good talk and will go a long way toward alleviating some of my stress. Bonus: nobody will get murdered! Probably!

It helps a lot that folks have reached out to Freddie, too. He really appreciates all the calls and texts and stuff, so keep doing that because it helps keep him centered and less wrapped up in his own head. I can only do so much, so it helps ME, too. Someday, if we’re ever allowed to have parties again, we’ll throw a big one and everyone can come. Bring your own booze.

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This has been a very busy week for us! We have seen doctors and therapists and dental people and eyeglasses folks and had tons of fun!

Actually, the biggest missing puzzle piece was added yesterday when we got the prism film stuff for his glasses. It’s exactly what it sounds like – prismatic sticky bits that go on the one side of his glasses so his uncooperative eyeball stops seeing two of everything.

I can’t imagine how stressful that is – can you imagine having to deal with TWO OF ME? I’d run away from home.

It looks so weird, you guys. If you look at him head-on, you can’t really see the film but his left eye looks like it’s moved inward about half an inch so his eyes look too close together and it’s CRAZY. But he can see again and doesn’t need his cool pirate patch anymore, so I suppose we’ll call that an improvement. I tried looking through the glasses myself and it did not go well. Not only are his eyes already way worse than mine, but my brain just DID NOT want to even try to figure out what was going on there. I might have given myself a stroke.

Surgical recovery is going perfectly, we won’t need to see that doctor again for a month or so. We swung by the outpatient rehab that was suggested just to see what they said, and of course they’re like “oh we need to see you twice a week for the next little while” and yeah, maybe that’s true, but not for a $60 copay every time. We have a couple of sessions scheduled and then we’ll see what happens after that.

Next week is SUPER FUN – root canal time! I’m sure Freddie is super duper excited about that! I’ve had a root canal and I don’t think it was all that bad. The tray of things they plan to stick in your mouth can be a little daunting, but I’m not fazed by dental things so it didn’t bother me that much. Lay back and do some yoga breathing and it’s fine. We’ll see how he does.

The biggest indicator that he’s getting back on track is the RETURN OF SHOUTY MAN. He’s been taking work phone calls here and there and holy god, he is loud. SO VERY LOUD. Even when he’s upstairs, through a closed door, SHOUTY MAN CAN BE HEARD. The other day, we were on the phone with the insurance company and since the weather has been nice, we have windows open and SHOUTY MAN TELL NEIGHBORHOOD ALL THE BUSINESS! Not that anyone was around or would even care, but his voice does carry and I’m sure he can be heard from the street. It’s cute! He gets annoyed when I make fun, but WE ALL LOVE SHOUTY MAN.


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My Turn!


I wake up at least twice in the night, usually. It’s because I’m 45 and I drink a lot of water so I have to pee a lot. This is easy enough to do whilst half-asleep, but if we ever rearrange our bedroom, I’ll probably die.

So the other night, I got up like I usually do and took a step and my right knee decided to have some kind of pain party. So now, instead of being hurty because I did things to it (like, say, jumping split squats or something else horrible), it’s hurty ALL THE TIME and making my life difficult.

We have discussed my approach to medical issues before. The “you’re not dead, there are no bones sticking out or spurting blood, therefore you’re fine” way of life has worked out pretty well for me so far. But I can’t very well bully Freddie into participating in his recovery and ignore my own nonsense, can I? I lose the moral authority I need for yelling if I do that, so I made an appointment to see my doctor and we’ll go from there.

I have always had trouble with my knees (thanks, Ma) but this is worse than usual AND it’s my right leg so if I am incapacitated and can’t drive, we’re fucked because Cap’n Handlebars isn’t allowed to drive and The Teenager refuses to learn. She’s only 14 but come on, kid! Take one for the team! So let’s hope this is something that can be helped via a brace or something and not require immediate surgery or similar.

In other news, Greybeard The Pirate is doing okay. We have had to have some discussions about how recovery isn’t going to be a straightforward process – there will be times when he feels like he’s regressing and there will be days when he doesn’t feel like he’s getting any better. That’s all normal and he needs to accept that. So far, so good. He’s been great about recognizing that he’s doing fantastically well, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

Today is the one-month mark, by the way. ONE MONTH. It feels like YEARS. Time is weird.

Recovery is going well. We are waiting on this prism film thingy that will stick onto the one side of his glasses and help with the double vision. If, for some reason, it doesn’t work, I hope someone out there has a spare room that I can live in because I will run away from home, I swear. But since there wasn’t any other option offered, I’m confident that it will work just fine and I won’t have to leave my family to save my sanity. Once he can use both of his eyes and not rely on the eyepatch, the pirate jokes will dry up but he will be much more useful to the outside world. It’s very hard right now for him to read and type and the texts he sends me are hilarious. Between him not being able to see and autocorrect, it’s a whole new language he’s speaking.

Everything else is going VERY well. I am allowing him to walk around the neighborhood on his own now, which is good for him. The dogs are super pissed off by this, though, because they’re both absolute maniacs on the leash so he can’t take them with him when he goes out. Maybe if they were LESS UNTRAINABLE, they’d get to go on walkies too! But while he’s got balance issues and my knee is falling off, the dogs will have to be content with pooping in the backyard like everyone else.

The tooth situation is also resolving nicely. He still looks absolutely bonkers but he’s going to have a root canal and a cap or a bridge or something which is a lot less hassle than an implant, so that’s good. It’s still going to be a giant pain in the head but a bridge situation is a lot quicker than the implant would be. I have both (my dental x-rays usually elicit a “wooooowwwwww” from folks who aren’t familiar with them).

We’re starting to see some of the bills bounce off the insurance now, too. Thank goodness we HAVE insurance because some of the numbers I’m seeing are basically imaginary amounts of money. The final bill from Morristown Medical Center is listed as “pending” which… yeah. It can stay that way for awhile because I’m not at all interested in what that is going to be. The rehab stay (5 days) came out to just under $9,000 and we’re on the hook for some of that. It’s fine. We just ran the household budget and it’s all doable! It just sucks. The healthcare system in this country is fucking bullshit.

Overall, we’re doing fine. Near-death experiences seem to be a thing that we can handle but I don’t really want to do it again anytime soon. Yesterday he said, “I guess I’m not going skiing this year.” NO, YOU ARE NOT, CAPTAIN DEATHWISH. For the next little while, our sporting life will be contained to things like jigsaw puzzles and strolls around the block. We’ll postpone our foray into the Circus Arts until 2021.

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Not-So-Evil Knievel has been home for about a week and a half now and we are starting to get some answers to some of our questions. It’s a process! On Tuesday we saw the maxillofacial surgeon again, and he said everything is still looking great and healing well and it’s all good.

Yesterday we saw the neuro-ophthamologist, which was the biggest piece of the recovery puzzle. That doctor said that the double vision is being caused by something called “left sixth nerve palsy” which sounds…. benign? Apparently this can resolve on its own over time but if not, then there is a pretty simple procedure the doc can do to fix it. The thing is, the timeframe is WAY longer than Impatient Man would like. The doctor won’t even consider surgery until this has been a thing for six months.

Yay? OH BOY. I know the double vision issue sucks. He can’t read for very long and he can’t really type, so reading and answering email is a long and exhausting process, but we’ll figure something out. There is a thing he can get for his existing glasses (prism film?) that might help a bit so at least he can look out of both eyes and not have to wear a patch all the time like some kind of deranged suburban pirate. But getting some answers to that part has been very helpful to keep him from climbing the walls!

He is anxious to get back to work and I totally understand that but we also want him to get all of his pieces stuck back on first. Today we’re visiting an endodontist to have a look at his teeth and see if there is any additional damage to the front tooth he lost most of. I want to post a picture of it but he’s self-conscious about how it looks (rightly so, because it’s HILARIOUS) so I can’t but he might, on his own. With luck, it will be an easy fix and if we’re REALLY lucky there will be something temporary they can give him until the permanent fix happens, whatever that is, and he can stop looking crazy and start looking more normal.

His basic functions all seem to have come back strong. I’ve been making him handle dinnertime, and he hasn’t poisoned us or burned the house down yet so that’s good. He’s handling a lot of his medical phone calls and appointment-making, which is also excellent. I still have to drive everywhere but that’s perfectly fine with me. He’s walking a lot better than he was even a week ago but I still don’t want him wandering the neighborhood on his own just yet. So I have to take him out for walkies, like he’s a dog.

He does poop inside, though.

Overall, things are going well. His memory is pretty good, other executive functions are pretty good, and once we get the double vision under control, he’ll be pretty close to his normal self. We’re almost a month out from this thing and the progress he’s making has been excellent.

This was a very boring post. I promise I’ll have something funny to say very soon.

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Our Boy Wonder has improved a lot in the couple of days he’s been home. The first night, he got in bed and just didn’t move again for nearly 12 hours. He’s normally a very active sleeper, with the flopping around and the occasional screaming, so for him to be so still was a bit concerning. I kept waking up and putting my hands in front of his mouth to make sure he was breathing.

He needed that sleep, though, and got up Tuesday morning and looked miles better than he had before. We spent most of the day talking and making lists of which doctors we need to see and other things that need to get done.

We have acquired a Google Home thingus, so it’s a lot easier to remember stuff now. We can yell at the house robot to remember it for us, instead of putting it in our phones or writing it on the kitchen whiteboard. Yay, technology! Having all the appointments in one place will make it a lot easier for us to schedule everything without overlapping things too much.

He’s still having double vision, so he’s supposed to wear his cool eye patch and switch eyes throughout the day. We don’t do this quite on the correct schedule because SOMEONE gets GRUMPY about it, but we’re seeing the neuro-ophthalmologist next Wednesday to get some answers about what’s up with that and a treatment timeline, because we really would like him to be able to see the correct number of things. He can’t drive until he’s cleared by a doctor, so guess who gets to chauffeur him around? This girl, right here!

I think it’s payback from the beginning of our relationship when I didn’t have my license and he had to drive everywhere. Hilariously, he will have to take a drivers’ ed course and pass a test before the doctors will clear him to drive. He SAYS that when he feels ready, he’ll just… start driving but GOSH it’s awfully hard to drive when you don’t have KEYS because your SUPER AWESOME WIFE HID THEM FROM YOU.

So stay tuned for THAT, because I’m sure he’ll accept all my decisions with total calm.

His balance is pretty good and he walks pretty well, but because his peripheral vision isn’t working on one side, I am not about to let him walk around by himself just yet. What if he trips on the sidewalk or misses a step and falls and lands on his face? We just got that put back together! So we take our constitutionals around the block and for now, that’s enough. Homeboy gets tired.

And that is the theme of our days – he wants to Do All The Things but his body is telling him “slow down, dummy!” I had originally planned for this week to be a total week of rest but, as most of you know, he’s not made that way so he’s Doing All The Things (That I Will Allow Him To Do) and he’s getting tired. And when he gets tired, he gets a little frustrated because he’s not back 100% right out of the gate.


We did get his glasses fixed, which has improved his life a lot. I’m only a little mad that the glasses I fought to have made are basically useless, but maybe we can get the correct lenses slapped into those frames later on as a backup pair. He does appreciate the amount of yelling I had to do to get them made, but they just aren’t as useful as they could be. So we got his original glasses put back together and that will be fine until we see the Eye Guy next week and figure out our next steps there.

He does have limits, though. He took a couple of work calls and had a journey to the eyeglasses place and then we went for a short walk to deliver our ballots to the drop box and he was just wiped out. I also made him cook half of the dinner because I was on a Zoom call, so he had to follow a recipe and his brain just got really sleepy from all that exercise. But the soup he made came out perfectly so those functions are all intact.

I have no doubts that he will be back 100%, it will just take time. If you didn’t know him before all of this, you’d never know anything had happened, aside from the dents in his face and the sweet eye patch he has to wear. He will be fine, but I keep telling him that it’s going to take time and he’s going to have to be patient and stop pushing so hard RIGHT NOW. The time for that will come, but for right now he needs to take his foot off the gas a little and coast for a bit.

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He’s home.

I went up to the rehab this morning for what they call “family training” which is a weird thing to call whatever it was that I did. I sat in on his therapy sessions and they talked to both of us about what kinds of things we’ll need to do at home in order for him to continue to improve and be safe.

We will still have to see quite a few doctors over the next little while but the big important thing is that he is finally home, after more than two weeks. He was wheeled out to the lobby but he left the building on his own two feet.

AND NOW THE FUN BEGINS. My instinct is to jump up and assist but he needs to be able to do all that stuff on his own so all I can really do is go “you okay? You need anything? Are you warm enough?”


Now that the horrible medical-intensive part is over, I think I might be able to breathe again. For the past two weeks I have found myself taking deep breaths every now and again like I’d been forgetting to breathe normally throughout the day. I think maybe I can relax a little.

Thank you to everyone who has called and texted and Facebooked and stopped by and kept me going through all of this. Thank you from the bottom of my cold, black heart. This would have been a lot harder to go through it alone.

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The Mayor of Rehab

I think we are nearing the finish line here. I hope so. I’m tired of driving a half-hour each way and answering the Covid questions to see my husband. I’m sure he’s tired of alarms going off every time he shifts his weight on the bed because the bed thinks he’s standing up.

Greybeard the Pirate is making amazing progress. He is walking very well, his double vision is improving, and his speech therapy is helping A LOT. I still have trouble understanding him sometimes but usually if he slows down it’s okay.

Apparently the eyeglasses I fought so hard to get are useless. SOME GRATITUDE, MAN. I had to yell at people to get those made! At least pretend they’re fine and switch to the old busted glasses when I’m not looking, jeez.

I am meeting with the therapy team on Monday. They call it “family training” and I guess it’s a show and tell of what kinds of things they’re doing and which of those things we’ll need to continue at home. My hope is that I can go to that and then be all “Okay, thanks, we’re leaving now” and then bring him home.

The good news is that part of his recovery is to… do stuff. I had offered him the use of my cowbell in case he’s upstairs and needs something but he said the therapists tell him that he’s supposed to get up and do whatever it is that needs done. THIS IS AMAZING NEWS. It also appears to encompass things like chores, so instead of yelling “JILL, EMPTY THE DISHWASHER” he’s supposed to do it himself! It will help with movement and memory! I’m hoping “folding laundry” falls into this category as well and if I play my cards right, I might not have to do anything domestic for a good long while!

Every cloud does indeed have a silver lining.

Once we’re home and start establishing a routine, we are going to sit down and make a list of everyone who needs a thank-you card or whatever. It’s a long list. Freddie is very grateful for all the medical staff in both the hospital and the rehab, because they have taken very good care of him. Aside from one nurse and one nursing assistant that I didn’t personally love, everyone we have worked with has been outstanding. So there will be a lot of thank yous going out.

My husband is a personable guy. He is genuinely interested in people and has been making friends with all of his caregivers over the past week. He was the Mayor of the Neuro Floor over at Morristown and he’s the Mayor of Kessler Rehab this week. This is a good thing, because he’s the one who remembers names in this relationship. I’m super-bad at that so I rely on him to find out people’s names and remind me. The fact that this side of him is coming out so strongly is a very good sign.

As for me, my gratitude is focused on all of you, my dear readers. All of your check-ins, your offers to help, your Starbucks gift cards, and your incredibly terrible jokes helped a lot these past two weeks. I know a lot of folks asked if there is anything they can do and it’s very hard for me to ask for what I need, but if you really feel like you need to do something, I could use a bunch of Wegmans gift cards. Wegmans is my happy place, and cooking is the main way I deal with stress, and there’s going to be quite a lot of that in the next little while, I think. So if you’re willing, that’s what I need and can really really use. I promise not to spend it all on scratch-off lottery tickets and booze. You can reach me via text, email, or Facebook if you need my address, and thank you in advance.

I’m not sure we’re going to get back to “normal.” I don’t think we ever were normal in the first place, so whatever we end up doing is going to be what it’s going to be. We need a routine, because our house is an ADHD house (everyone has it except one of the dogs and possibly the cat, but he’s a psychopath so…) and routine is KING in this joint. Any fluctuation in our routine crashes the whole boat so with luck, we’ll get that back together and get on with it.

This has been an… interesting fortnight, to be sure. It feels like the longest and the shortest two weeks ever, and it’s definitely not a period of time I ever want to re-live. When the TARDIS lands on the lawn, we definitely aren’t going back to any of this bullshit. What we’re gonna do is go see the Sex Pistols in Manchester in 1976, then swing by Live Aid at Wembley in 1985. But 2020? No thank you. Zero stars, would not recommend.

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Good Stuff

I just got back from visiting Cap’n Greybeard and he looks great! He is talking more and whining less and he even ate a lot of his dinner without me threatening to jack him up with a feeding tube like they do for geese when they make foie gras.

He has been upgraded from a red tag (DANGER FALL OVER MAN) to a yellow tag (probably won’t fall over, but maybe so keep an eye out just in case) which is awesome news! They do keep him in a wheelchair (unless he’s in bed) with a seatbelt just in case, and that’s good because otherwise he’d make a run for it. Trouble is, the facility is literally three miles from anywhere so where would he even go?

Compared to yesterday, he has improved almost 100%. He’s still having trouble with his throat (and if you want to google “elongated uvula due to intubation, feel free but I don’t recommend it) and he still has some headache and double vision but at least he’s alert and chatty again. We had a nice talk about stuff and I didn’t have to yell at him once! I could tell he was feeling more himself when we were talking about run-of-the-mill domestic stuff and he said “are you okay with keeping the house clean?”
Me: Ummmm… no?
Of course not. That’s not a thing I normally do and I’m not gonna start now. It’s pretty much as clean as it ever is – we live here and it shows. I did have a weird dream that we moved to a new house and the entire thing was done in shades of beige but it’s possible that was just the ghost of my mother-in-law checking in.

OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU: I gave him back his phone. This is the longest he has gone without some kind of device since he was super cool and awesome and got a pager back in 1995. But since he promised to behave, I gave it to him, so if you’re getting a ton of messages, I’m sorry. But not really.

We’re very much on-track to get him home on Monday, and while he will still need to see various doctors here and there, I don’t think we’re going to need as much visiting nurse support as we had originally thought.

Today is Rosh Hashanah, which is the Jewish New Year. I’m not super-observant but my hope is that this will mark a turning point not only for us, but for everyone. So, you know, prayers and junk for a happy and healthy new year.

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That Never Happens!

Holy shit, you guys – someone actually LISTENED TO ME. It’s a Christmas miracle.

As you know, I am a Cute Deaf Lady. It’s bad and getting worse and there’s no way to fix it and the hearing aids only do so much. Therefore, if you need to talk to me for any reason and you need me to understand whatever it is that I’m saying to you, you’ll have to email or text. Otherwise, everyone gets frustrated.

Yesterday, when I met with the rehab case manager, she explained to me about how they do a conference call every couple of days for update purposes. I explained that a phone call, especially in a situation like this, is not going to work for me and she said “oh! No problem, we can make it an email.”

HALLELUGE. Finally. After years of me saying “please put this in an email or a text, please for the love of god” someone finally did it. Amazing. We’ve had the technology for years, let’s put it to good use!

So the update I received is all good news. Tour de Freddie can walk pretty well with no assistance and can go up and down a set of stairs and all that stuff. He probably won’t be joining the Olympic Men’s Gymnastics squad this time around but he can move and not keel over, which was really the main thing.

He is still having some issues with his vision, which is to be expected, given the level of TBI he suffered. We will work on that. He’s also having some memory issues, which are also to be expected, and will probably resolve over time (along with therapy and other treatments). I’ve been doing some reading about TBI and some of it is TERRIFYING but most of it is like “yeaaaaaah, recovery is possible but it takes time.” Okay. We can work with that.

Someone asked me the other day if his condition was as serious as I’m saying it is. My answer was “it’s actually quite a bit worse but there are details that you people don’t need to know. I will carry enough of that with me until the end of my days, and I don’t need to share it with everyone.” It was bad. It’s getting better. But yeah, it was pretty bad for awhile. Nobody spends 11 days in the hospital for a mere bump on the head. But as bad as it was, it could have been so much worse.

Helmets. Every time.

Overall, I’m pleased with the progress he’s making. Just two days in rehab and he already sounds so much better, even though I have a little trouble understanding him on the phone. Most people I’ve allowed him to talk to have done just fine, so that’s probably a lot of static on my end more than any deficit on his. Since he is progressing so well, I have decided to allow him to have his phone back. He asked me to bring his computer but I laughed because I’m going to be hiding that until he’s good and ready. He will be allowed to have his phone and even though I will tell him to take it easy, be prepared for him to start replying to emails because that’s how he’s made. If it gets to be too much, I will confiscate the phone again, but it will be helpful for him to have a connection to the outside world.

So get ready, kids.

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The Churn

The visiting hours at the inpatient rehab are VERY short and VERY strict. They have a lot of rules there and if you don’t follow them all, they will kick you out and not let you back in. Hrmph.

Even though I hadn’t planned to go there at all today, I ended up making that drive TWICE. The first time it was because Professor Hospital Gown demanded clothing. I don’t blame him – dude hasn’t worn underpantses since Sept 5th! So I packed up a bag of stuff for him and was halfway there when my phone rang from that number.

I hate the phone. HATE. 99.9% of the time, I’m not picking up the phone for anyone. But these are strange times so I pulled over and took the call. It was the rehab place, wanting more info on Kid Gorgeous over there, so I said “look, I’m hearing-impaired and I’m literally on my way to your facility right now so let’s do this in person because it will be easier for everyone.” People don’t really know how to take that, but I am so far beyond caring about stuff like that. Either talk to my face or figure out a different way.

So I got there and went through their terribly thorough Covid screening and chatted with the case manager and dropped off the bag of clothes. Couldn’t put eyes on our man at that time because visiting hours are between 4:30 and 6:30. That JUST SO HAPPENS to be the most lucrative time for me to drive GrubHub but oh well. Grr.

I came back home and did stuff around the house, then I had to swing by the eye doctor to get the Quick & Dirty Eyeglasses. The story behind that is a fun one. On Tuesday, it looked like our BMX Bandit was about to be heading to rehab and even though we did locate his glasses, they gave up the fight and one of the side pieces fell off. No amount of nerdy-looking tape was going to keep that arm on there so I took matters into my own hands and called the eye doctor. Did I mention my dustup with the Pearle Vision people? I know I complained about it on Facebook, but Pearle Vision is currently on my “dead to me” list because they were rude as hell. So despite the fact that they made the most current pair of eyeglasses, I had to go to the source.

I got them on the phone and asked, nicely, for them to make me a pair of glasses to Freddie’s current prescription. Them: “he’s due for an exam.”
Me: That’s not going to be possible just now, so can you please make for me the quickest and cheapest pair of glasses you possibly can?
Them: Well… I don’t know… um…
Them: Do you want anti-glare coating? That takes a little longer.
Me: [screams]
Them: Got it. So, they won’t be exactly his prescription (progressive bifocal situation) so he won’t really be able to read with them).
Me: That’s fine, I just need something to stick on his head so he doesn’t make his concussion headaches worse because he can’t see.
Them: Okay. Um, will he be coming in to pick out frames?
Me: [SCREAMS] No, because HE CANNOT CURRENTLY WALK. Put them in literally any frames you like. Think Buddy Holly. Hell, put them in something that Elton John would reject as ‘too much.’ I. DO. NOT. CARE.
Them: We’ll call you back.

They called me back. Them: “Okay, we can put in an order for his current prescription in the same frames he had in 2017, is that okay?”
Me: yes, that’s fine that’s perfectly acceptable just literally I need them basically immediately.
Them: You can pick them up on Thursday.


Picked them up on my way to Costco to get the new tires on my truck. Ahhhh hahahahahaha remember “before?” When we could drop $800 on tires for the truck and it wasn’t that big a deal? Remember that time? THAT WAS AWESOME. And remember when we thought maybe he’d be home by today so scheduling the appointment for mid-afternoon seemed reasonable? HAHAHA ohhh we were so young then.

That went fine. They had my truck up and down within an hour and I spent that time outside in the sun, reading my book. At some point I was joined by a spider and I *think* I brushed it off me but it might still be on my person somewhere and so I might have to set myself on fire JUST IN CASE. I’ll take a shower later and see if I can drown any passengers I might have.

ANYWAY, I finished up at the Costco (I did a quick run through there to pick up some stuff like hearing aid batteries and TP because we ran OUT of Costco TP during the early days of lockdown and had to use inferior TP for MONTHS and we can’t run that risk again) and headed up to Chester (again) to see Wheels McGee.

He was so pleased to have clothes on, finally! He’s currently getting physical therapy, neurological therapy, and occupational therapy, all of which are aimed at getting him back into his regular life. He is, believe it or not, a bit anxious about all of this and what it all might MEAN but I keep telling him that he’ll get there but it will take TIME and PATIENCE.

Raise your hand if you’re shocked that neither of us are terribly patient about anything, ever. No one? Exactly.

Patience is going to be the key ingredient in our recovery over here. That is, unfortunately, not a thing at which I am fantastically skilled. I am more of a “make this happen now, why isn’t this happening now, who is keeping this from happening now and why haven’t they been killed?” So it’s going to be a real fun time here at The House of Flying Pigs while The Captain makes his way (or is dragged) back to full strength. This is going to be the hard part. He stresses me OUT sometimes and it makes my anxiety go off and that makes my stomach churn which makes me burp a little bit and I had an everything bagel earlier so that’s not a fun thing for me to do.

But we’ll get through it. We have an amazing and vast support network [waves at all of you] and even though I’m bad at leaning on my support network, I am going to need all of you people in the next weeks and months, if only to avoid me having to murder someone. Gah.


There it goes again.

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