Ooh, the famous “About Me” page.
I live in New Jersey.
I have a husband, a kid, a dog, and a cat who thinks he’s a dog.
I knit. Poorly.
I write. Equally poorly.
I brew beer. Awesomely, in fact.
I kick ass.
I take names.
My favorite book is Gone With The Wind. I got it for my birthday in 1983 and have read it over 200 times.
I love music. I am absolutely certain that if you can get a close enough look at my DNA, there are U2 lyrics in there, even though U2 and I recently broke up. The best band in the world is Editors, followed closely by James. For the rest of the list, see my Facebook profile, though that is incomplete.
My favorite movie is The Full Monty. A good rule of thumb is that if it has even the tiniest hint of a British accent, I will watch it.
I watch too much TV, but it gives me something to do while I knit.
I asked the People of Facebook to ask questions for me to answer here. It’s a well-known fact that my friends (both Real and of the Imaginary Internet Type) are completely insane, so…
Q. Which incarnation of Van Halen do you prefer?
A. I prefer the Sammy Hagar era. Mostly because 5150 is a kick-ass album and also because David Lee Roth was part of one of the best hard-rock bands of all time and he shit all over that legacy by subjecting us to his solo “career.” For THAT ALONE, the Sammy Hagar years are better than the Diamond Dave era.
Q. Who is your favorite Doug in the world?
A. Douglas Adams, whose work reminds us to always carry a towel, and to remember the Answer is 42.
Q. If you had to die via being beaten by pickles or suffocating in butter, which would you choose?
A. If they’re sweet pickles, then I choose butter, obviously, because sweet pickles are gross. Ideally, I’d like to go out via kosher dill because the garlic/dill combination would be just right for a happy death.
Q. Favorite memory from your teenage years?
A. As I had an uncommonly pleasant teenage experience (taken as a whole and averaged out, you see), there are quite a few to choose from. The first thing that comes to mind is the first time I went down the slide headfirst at Holiday Sands. There weren’t many chicks who were willing to do that!
Q. What is your greatest accomplishment, so far?
A. My family. I’ve managed to create and sustain a pretty rad little group of people.
Q. Why do you hate puppies and small children?
A. I don’t! Not once I realized you can train both groups in exactly the same way!
Q. Is it true you once put Angela Lansbury in a choke hold?
A. I’ve been told by my parole officer that I cannot comment on that.
Q. Purple or arugula?
Q. How about those Mets?
A. The Mets are the closest thing the East Coast has to the Cleveland Indians, so rooting for the Mets is like being at home. Some years it’s a strong start with a spectacular crash and burn, and other years it’s aggressive mediocrity. That’s how I was raised.
Q. Cilantro: love or hate?
A. I wouldn’t say I love cilantro, but I am not of the genetic persuasion that perceives it to taste like soap. So I am on Team Cilantro, yes.
Q. How many different hair colors have you had? Which one made you feel most complete?
A. NASA is currently attempting to calculate this number. As for the one that made me feel most complete: I am extremely hot when I am a blonde, so let’s go with that. You’ll notice that I am not often blonde, and the reason for that is because men and women just fall at my feet in rapture and it really does get difficult to get around when that happens.
Q. Would you rather have two tiny hands or two extremely large hands?
A. Tiny hands, no doubt. I could always camouflage them with gloves. I do see the appeal of the very large hand, though – it would make bitchslapping a lot more effective.
Q. Why are you and Batman never in the same place at the same time?
A. It was a bad breakup.