It Has Begun

I’m a Cute Deaf Lady, and as such, I don’t usually answer the phone when it rings. Unless I am expecting a call that I can’t roll to voicemail to deal with later, y’all have to wait.

Lots of robocalls just get ignored. School calls go to voicemail, mostly because I also get an email AND a text. All my people know better than to call me, so they text like the good-looking and smart folks they all are.

This morning, I got a call from “Ambulance Reimbursement Services.”

Fuck that. He isn’t even out of the hospital yet and they’re already trying to come at me for money? No. We are not doing this. Ambulance Reimbursement Services is cordially invited to TAKE A SEAT and SIT THEIR ASS DOWN. Pretend you’re at the DMV and take a number and we will get to you WHEN WE GET TO YOU. That will not be today, friends.

This will be the hard part. Dealing with all of these people who of course, deserve to be compensated for their services is going to be a humungous pain in my sexy ass. Most of you know that my ENTIRE LIFE GOAL is to not have things be a pain in my ass. But here we are. I had a rather elongated adolescence because I really really don’t like being an adult. I hate it. I only graduated from college two years ago, after all. All this adult nonsense is for the birds. But some people enjoy that, and that’s fine! Actually, the people who enjoy being adults should be assigned to those of us who do not. A Designated Adult would be awesome to have. Or maybe I can train one of the dogs to be my secretary.

I will call them back later today or probably tomorrow and try to politely (yeah I see you all laughing) explain that maybe they could start by sending me a bill in the mail like normal people and we’ll go from there. Don’t be blowing up my phone right now, because I AM BUSY.

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