Pansy-ass

So… November is coming soon. That is NaNoWriMo and every single year I think “ooh, I should do that!” and every single year… I don’t.

Why not? I have the time, I have the ten fingers, I have notebooks and pens and even a tape recorder in case I’m struck with an idea at a time where I can’t write it down. So why haven’t I done this? It’s a combination of things, really. I am pretty sure I have some kind of adult-onset ADD, because I have trouble focusing on any one thing for any significant length of time. This could also be a by-product of having spent weeks in front of MTV as a wee lass. Not sure. It is probably also related to my anxiety issues, which I’ve been successfully (more or less) managing since The Jiller was conceived and I had to quit my drugs cold-turkey. That wasn’t fun but I didn’t want to be taking meds while pregnant and when she arrived, I found I didn’t need them. That is starting to change lately, but I’m still doing okay.

So there’s that. And then there’s the fear. FEAR!! My sometimes-dangerous over-confidence doesn’t exactly extend to my writing. I am proud of my cooking (most of the time), my knitting, my kid, etc, and will happily show off those things to anyone and everyone. But my writing? Ohhhhhh hell no. Sure, there’s this sad, neglected blog-thing, and there’s the Small Group of Misfits Who Manifest Unicorns that I hang out with online and Facebook… but… agh. That’s 99% conversation.

Storytelling… now that’s a whole different thing. And I am super-duper afraid to show anyone what I write. I hate rejection, it’s the suckiest feeling ever in the world. But I know that if I ever want to DO anything with this writing that I do, I will eventually have to show it to someone. And maybe be more disciplined at it. I tend to write in furious bursts over the course of a week or so and then not write a damn thing for a month or more. I don’t know if a dedicated hour every day in which to write, where I MUST write, would be a good thing for me or not.

But… November.

After a bit of research, it appears that the NaNoWriMo peeps have a gang of sorts here in The Jerz, with meetings and stuff. I might… might… MAYBE… might join up with them. Maybe. I’m not a big fan of groups and joining stuff, but this might be worthwhile. I dunno.

I suppose we’ll know if I update here with progress reports or if I just neglect the blog for another little while. 🙂