Michael Marie McConnell Bennett, if you read this, please get in touch with me or Terri as soon as you can! Neither of us has an email address for you!!
Category Archives: Other People
Maybe it’s just a tesseract
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Filed under Other People
You live in New Jersey. Learn how to drive.
Let it be known that if you are on Route 1, driving FORTY GODDAMN MILES AN HOUR and I am behind you and my child has just pooped a big stinky, I will tailgate your slow ass.
Should you then try stomping on your brakes in a [futile] effort to get me to back off, I have no problem whatsoever with turning on my bright lights and laying on the horn. I don’t just accept my obnoxiousness – I celebrate it. Especially when I am in a bad mood, as I was this morning.
So let this be a lesson to you all: go the speed limit, AT LEAST. If you can’t for some reason, try using the hazard lights so assholes like myself don’t get behind you and make your day miserable. Cheered me right up, though!
Filed under Me Me Me, Other People
RIP Luciano Pavarotti
Luciano Pavarotti died last night at age 71.
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Company policy
I don’t obsess over my stats anymore. There’s no reason to. I simply check them out to see where people are coming from.
I have noticed that someone from one of my former employers has been checking out my site and I have to say this in my MOST SARCASTIC VOICE: “Gee, I hope you don’t get fired for using the Internet for non-business-related things, since I haven’t [yet] written a book!”
Especially if your initials are L.V. I really dislike you. You were a terrible manager.
But if your name happens to be Walter, then HELLO! Stop by anytime!
Filed under Other People, Workin' for The Man
Long live punk
Hilly Kristal has died at age 75. He’s now the lord and master of the foulest bathrooms in heaven, I’m sure.
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Startled
Thank goodness I can laugh at myself! I just noticed that two people from two very very very different chapters of my life live very very close to one another. Like, scarily close. Like, I could be visiting one and it would not be beyond the realm of possibility that I would run into the other.
I’m not sure if that is bad or good.
But it’s funny.
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Filed under Me Me Me, Other People
If you’ve ever been on Wheel of Fortune…
…does the lobotomy hurt?
Seriously, though. Maybe it’s because Wheel of Fortune is on after Jeopardy in the NYC market, but the people on that show are jaw-droppingly stupid.
First off, there is never, under any circumstances, any reason whatsoever to buy a fuckin’ vowel. Maybe if you’ve guess a couple of consonants and you’re really, really stumped then I could see considering it, but for the love of Jeffrey, don’t buy a vowel on your first turn.
Shows like this only serve to underline and reinforce my raging superiority complex. Wheel of Fortune was challenging to me when I was ten. It should not pose a problem for any normal-IQ adult, I don’t think.
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Filed under Other People, TV
Like a teardrop
Forgive me for being shallow, but who would have thought that Prince Harry would grow up to be the Hot One? Prince William is still a good-looking dude and all, but I think Prince Harry would be a lot more fun to hang out with.
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My daughter, the politician
One of my least favorite things in the world is making small talk with strangers. It’s not that I’m not good at it – I am – but when I’m out somewhere, say, the DMV, all I want to do is get in, do what I need to do, and get the hell out. I don’t want to be bothered.
I used to have my iPod and a book to help me while away the hours in places like this, but it’s hard to manage that stuff with a baby! And what a baby! She smiles at everyone and babbles and does The Yelling Thing which startles people until they realize that she’s not in any distress, she’s Just Loud.
So yesterday, I had to get my drivers’ license renewed. Since I’m planning to someday be the World’s Greatest Procrastinator (I’ll get to it eventually), I put it off until the literal end of the month, pretty much guaranteeing me the longest lines in the universe.
I’m getting smarter, though, and I got there early. I showed my 87 documents, got my number (33), and sat down to wait. They had just called #15. Yikes.
New Jersey must be figuring things out because the whole process was really quite easy. You go in, show the lady your documents, get a number and wait to be called. Then they take your documents, snap your picture (or let you keep your old one, how weird is that?), and hand you your new license. From the time my number got called to the time I left, the whole thing took about 20 minutes.
The rest of the time was spent waiting in the company of my extremely extroverted child. Good thing she got her Daddy’s personality, eh? She smiled at everyone and, as is usually the case when we go anywhere, everyone in the place had to come up and exclaim over how cute she is and “what a good baby!”
Despite my dislike of talking to strangers, I am always pleased when people tell me how wonderful and amazing my child is. And she is, too. She always looks interested when people talk to her and she smiles at the appropriate times. She is truly a politician! So look for Jillian Zack for President in 2044 and if you don’t vote for her I will know and I will find you.
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Filed under Jillian, Other People